<\/p>\n
BUENOS AIRES<\/strong><\/p>\n Sometimes I think I need to stop. Need a break. Days fly so fast and I\u2019m so tired. Every hour seems to take something away from my life, then only weakness is left. So many things before us. Books, music, calls, e-mails and so on. We plan to visit Italy next month, but by the time we may be dead. Is there happiness in such a rush? I want some kind of stillness \u2013 one everlasting, single. I\u2019m tired. Dreaming for the place I haven\u2019t known before, a perfect place where I can breathe and think and work.<\/p>\n Somewhere in the middle \u2013 when I sink into sleep for the fifth time \u2013 I\u2019m half awakened by my heartbeat. It\u2019s hardly possible to sleep to these pulsations, which vibrate strangely inside. And then \u2013 coldness from the slow fall into another dream.<\/p>\n The room, the bed. The flat, the house full of people. My anguish won\u2019t calm down, I won\u2019t sleep. The curtains tightly drawn, red-orange streetlight passes through them; lamps are swinging in the wind. My heart beating is everywhere, I can\u2019t breathe deeply, it stops now.<\/p>\n One day follows another. I look in the mirror in the dark. The body, this soap bubble, hides the internal organs \u2013 hot, inflamed. I try to stretch my body to stop this nervousness, but nothing goes. And suddenly \u2013 a word appears in my head:<\/p>\n Buenos Aires. Buenos Aires.<\/p>\n This word \u2013 like a joint, a set of sounds \u2013 enters my mind out of nothing. It came without a context, it appeared without a reason, in silence \u2013 or, what\u2019s even better, in emptiness. And this word, these sounds strangely soothes my anguish. Buenos Aires.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve never been to Buenos Aires.<\/p>\n This word came into my mind as if not associated with anything. It appeared free. Free of poetry, politics or seafaring \u2013 the effect of these sounds is not connected with anything. This word tranquillized me. I fall asleep.<\/p>\n In the morning, I still found its promising effect and it became my lee shore. When I felt that nervousness was ready to swallow me, I just called it to myself. And anxiety was gone. Such a thing never happened before.<\/p>\n I started to recall everything I could that was connected with Buenos Aires. There was a lot, but nothing had the desired echo.<\/p>\n Days kept starting. The stomach full of water. I used my word many times. I watched many videos \u2013 the surface of the ocean, river flows. It rained \u2013 water was on this and that side. Digital drops fell not only on the screen. I dreamt of this word and of this place \u2013 where I\u2019d never been to. In my dreams it was rather a feeling than a place, but still it was an option to go to. I could go there, I could be there \u2013<\/p>\n Day by day, the word started to dissolve in the flow. One night when the curtains were tightly drawn, and red-orange streetlight was passing through them, the sounds dissolved, the word didn\u2019t work. The needle and the soap bubble.<\/p>\n I finally fall asleep, slowly, into another dream. Buenos Aires.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n